17. (Written In the Middle of Last Night)

I half wake up
still dreaming
and the dream
is telling me
to write
a poem

It contains
all of my life
questions
answers
statements

It's warranted
very briefly
Mostly
I miss it
write this
fall back asleep

16 My Balance Was Removed

Speaking of my mother's death
on the phone late that night
the lady bug appeared

A creature I hadn't seen
since childhood -
maybe thirty years.

Still, she looked as striking;
eight divine black on red spots.
I gazed closely and counted.

She crawled gracefully
as I transferred her
from pen to paper

And then I saw something
something I never knew
and my balance was removed

Lady bugs can jump
and fly
to Heaven

15.

this poem

A Poem Before Re-Sleeping

Sometime we think we're dating

and it turns out we're dating ourselves

Sometimes we think we're relaxing

and it's more like we're just numbing pain

Sometimes we think we're going to sleep

and we're reawakening so much we felt

Sometimes we think we're starting new

and it's the same thing again, again.

FEELING HOT AND COLD

Saying no and yes

the man and child

made his bed and slept in it

The Boys Fom Brazil

I hadn't seen him
in twenty years
& our last outing was sad
& that was the end of that

And yet. When
I'm pushed to choose
my lifetime
best friend

My answer is: Scott
Maybe because he never
gave me a fake smile
maybe because he died.

11. Question/Poem - December 15, 2014 at 11:27pm

What if what I'm doing
is what I'm supposed to be doing?
What if the life I have is right-
though I look for another?

From One Breath to the Next (June 19, 2014 at 1:09am)

I take pride in knowing
a lyric for any moment
everything about comedians
arcane, obscure, Torah facts:

Strawberries are the only fruit
with their seeds on the outside
Four is the only number that is
spelled by it's own number of letters

Sometimes, like now, I answer yes
to Ian Anderson, who asked teen me
if I "ever get the feeling that the story's
too damn real and in the present tense."

And as I yearn for companionship
I recall what Dick Smothers said
about Steve Martin, that "he's so quiet
that being with him's like being alone"

Noach and Avraham DID overlap, but
sometimes you can be alive and not
and that which saves your life once
can stifle it in another time and space

I wonder if I should shake off
the soundtrack in my head
and all the stand up routines
my too smart for the room 'tude:

But then I start to think and know
that we need accessible seeds
and we need symmetry in life
that's what we're striving for

And words that replay in me
repay me for my attention
and help me be present
in this dream like life

And studying comedians
helps me understand me
so alive on a stage while
feeling caged by chatter

And in truth, often I use Torah
not as a tool to impress you
but the intricate insights take me
from one breath to the next