The Not Ready For Facebook Poem

3 AM and my mouth is dry, sitting at my desk, not thinking about mom, working on the test i need to write, today's her birthday, went to sleep at 9ish, trying to breathe, mom taught me about breathing, also writing a consequence quiz, she said breathe in deeply and relax, answering work emails- sigh, I only remember seeing mom breathe deeply when she smoked, emails about poetry meeting in 5 hours, she walked with a green oxygen tank for her last 15 years, i'm trying to breathe deeply as I take a cool drink of water, mom's last words were, "I can't breathe."

I'm writing this in real time
Feeling kind of fake
I'm in need of content
Need a break from my break

It's 2 AM and I've been
sitting at my screen since ten
I need to act responsibly
I can do so now and then

Walk away from this phony vibe
From this bad energetic light
Going to bed seems peaceful
For me it's one hell of a fight

Today Dad Fell Again

Man down, yet up and around, bruised eye, doesn't grasp why, emails pour in, hard to win, hundreds to serve, need more nerve, could be less alone, have number to phone, starting to seethe, need to step back, breathe, no need for bad feeling not improved by healing, can let less noise in, release poison, need to clear head, meditate, go to bed, protect self well, enjoy new soul smell.

Joni and Delmore and Me

By Neil Fleischmann (1995)

Joni rides her time carousel
Delmore begins dreaming life
You run by; I pass your corner eye
You pause, wish me luck, and are gone

Almost In My Dreams

Evey now and then I cross the border 

while I am almost completely awake

into the world of my stored dreams

my dreams that seem untouchable

sometimes I catch a glimpse of one

sometimes it's one, then another

Eating in yeshivish relatives house

and trying to escape via bathroom

Being in college and it feels so real

And in a dream cliche I owe work

Waiting at a small town bus terminal

for some small time undercover work

my old shul rabbi and me at a wedding

A magical bar full of great people

Almost missing a flight out of Israel

Starting over again in BMT/Gruss

These are the few I can touch now

Others will taunt me later, have before

Sometimes when they tell me that I can

Sometimes I want to live my dreams

Old dreams sticking tongues out at me

Letting me feel I will re-enter them

And then we go our separate worlds