written now

edited second version:

deeper voice, impulsive choice
this has long been my deal
what's real is what I feel
to emotions I kneel
through confession I heal

coming into my own
hurting in every bone
I just might atone
by making it known


original vomited out version:


there are no words for pain
that's why we make noises
expressing deeper voices
and make impulsive choices

this has long been my deal
what's real is what I feel
to emotions I kneel
through confession I heal

coming into my own
hurting in every bone
I just might atone
by making it known

we pretend there are words
for our loneliness
but then we sigh hard
admitting speechlessness

the poet I call mine
shies away from himself
but not anything else
and that's where I lose him

short on words, in my space, feeling lonely, out of place, a down feeling is filling up, my imagined dixie cup, my eyes are heavy in this fake light, my heart is heavy- i'm feeling tight, i hate the fear and miss it too, patricia mchan 's on the WINS cue, she's trying to send me windows but not the kind I want, like my hunger can't be quenched by a croissant, why is it cold at the end of may? how's it 9:30- what happened to my day?  they're taking about this coming memorial weekend, the jersey shore's what they recommend, there's construction approaching the belt, that's what you need to know- or so the newscaster felt,andrew tores will be back at 9:41, telling us about the warmth of the sun.

from may 21 2015

Make (Me) Believe

A hundred
thousand
years ago
in a land
far away
before time
you’d fill
my days
and nights

Mr. Stone
and Quigley
I miss you
in my baths
and pictures
on the wall
where are you

Imagined friends
can’t disappear
till someone
says goodbye
so I wonder
where are mine
so hard to find

POEM/PRAYER AT 4:22 AM

G-d help me try to
see things my way;
maybe I'm too invested
in always seeing
the other perspective,
here on the other side
of the other side.

Dad was surprised to find
On my blog, this line:
“I never had a bad day in my life.”

And I was caught off guard
When he told me he found the blog
And that he read and liked it.